Why You Will Never Get Over the Death of a Loved One

Girl with a heart illustration

The myth that you can get over the death of a loved one is just that, a myth.

Grief isn’t a tick-box exercise that you can experience and say you’ve ‘done’, it is a constantly evolving process without an ending. We can learn to carry the burden of our loss, we can learn to rebuild our lives around our loss and we can experience love and joy again. We will grow around our grief and it doesn’t have to consume us, we will just never “get over” it.

The grieving process is unique to every individual. It is also unique to every loss. The relationship we have with each person we lose and how our lives are affected by the loss of that relationship can vary so much that there is no right or wrong way to how we experience it each time. We can experience one loss in one way and the next one in a very different way. It may depend on the relationship we had with the person we have lost, how close or dependent we were. It may also be an object we have lost, it could be a relationship, a long-held goal or belief or maybe even a part of ourselves that we are letting go of.

How Do We Move On?

Some people believe that it’s possible to achieve a sense of closure once you have gone through the various stages of a grieving cycle. While the very notion may be well-meaning, if you have lost a loved one then the idea of moving on from mourning that person you’ve loved and lost may well be a horrifying idea. You may not want closure as it may equate to forgetting or moving beyond that person. The truth is that what you have lost will always be a part of you and the grieving process is about how you can grow and develop around your loss.

As time passes on your journey, you will find that the intensity of your emotions is reduced. You may continue to be triggered by the same annual celebrations, dates or places that remind us of our loved but you will find that you may have new ways of self-care, new ways to comfort yourself in times of need. At those times your emotions may be heightened again and you may feel you are right back at the beginning having just lost that person all over again. But it’s possible to recover quicker, it’s possible to love again and it’s possible to hold on to what that person means for you at the same time as being able to get on with daily life.

We will always grieve because we will always love.

Bereavement and Grief Counselling

If you are looking for someone to support you on your grieving journey, get in touch. Bereavement counselling can mean that you have company on that journey and an option to share a space with someone who can empathise with what is going on for you and allow you to be as you need to be.