Your Life Story

Your Life Story

One of the core theories of Transactional Analysis is the notion of a life script. Put simply, a life script is a pre-conscious life plan that determines how a person’s life is lived out. As children we learn about ourselves, other people and our place in the world through our interactions and early relationships. We develop belief systems and ways of coping as a result of these interactions. They are put into place so early that we are doing it in a mostly unconscious way. This unconscious life plan is what we Transactional Analysts call our life script.

Beginning at birth, we began writing our own life-stories. We then continued to develop and build on as we grew from babies, to children to adolescents. By the time we are adults our script is largely out of our awareness. As a young child this script is pretty much put into place but as that child grows, their script is constantly changing and being updated. Broadly speaking however, the plot and the ending remain mostly unchanged. The idea is that we each have an idea of our origins, beliefs and purpose. By creating a life-script we then have a way of making sense of the world in which we live and how we deal with it.

Who Are You?

Through these wellbeing blogs I hope I can offer a way of supporting an understanding of your own early adaptations and belief systems. I also hope that you will be increasingly clear about yourself and who you are. This includes knowing which ways of being, thinking and feeling serve you, and which are no longer fit for purpose. Once you know what you are doing and how you are doing it, you can make the best decisions about what you would like to change.

If you are looking to explore your life script further, get in touch. I offer psychotherapy sessions that aim to support someone to understand their own story. How this happens is something we can discuss when we meet. Generally I will be working with someone to give meaning to here-and-now lived experiences. If you are curious to find out more, therapy can help.

Improve Your Mental Strength

Ever wondered why some people seem to bounce back effortlessly from life’s curveballs while others struggle to regain their footing? The secret lies in mental strength – that intangible power to recover from adversity, rise above setbacks, and embrace challenges head-on.

What is Mental Strength?

Mental strength, or mental resilience is the emotional ability of being able to recover from adversity.

  • Mentally resilient people often transcend hard times despite seemingly impossible setbacks.
  • Mental resilience is correlated with emotional maturity and the ability to see reality clearly.
  • Mental resilience is negatively correlated with psychopathology and emotional immaturity.

Promoting Mental Strength

Just like sculpting those biceps at the gym, mental strength demands discipline, commitment, and time.  Let’s take look at the habits of mentally strong people:

1. They Don’t Compare Themselves With Others Scrolling through social media can trigger the comparison game, but mentally strong people know that every moment spent comparing is a moment lost on personal growth. External opinions don’t define them. Mentally strong people build their self-belief, immune to criticism or rejection.

2. They Don’t Strive for Perfection Perfectionism, the sneaky stress inducer, is a no-go zone. Set high standards, but don’t let the pursuit of perfection impair your performance because just like Father Christmas, it doesn’t exist.

3. They Embrace Vulnerability Game faces have their time and place, but mentally strong people recognise that asking for help and showing vulnerability are signs of strength, not weakness.

4. They Don’t Let Self-Doubt Stop Them Your brain might whisper doubts, but mentally strong women don’t let self-doubt be the roadblock to their goals. They know the brain tends to underestimate their capabilities.

5. Ditch Rumination Ruminating over every detail is a mental energy drain. Instead, focus on problem-solving and productive action, freeing up your mind for what truly matters.

6. Putting the Big Girl Pants On Avoiding challenges keeps you stuck. Mentally strong people face fears head-on, one step at a time, building confidence along the way. Whether someone told you that you’d never amount to anything, or you got turned down for a promotion, other people can limit your potential if you let them. Your brain might sometimes try to convince you that you’re not good enough, capable enough, or smart enough. But don’t believe everything you think. Your brain will underestimate you. Build belief in yourself, and you won’t let criticism or rejection stop you.

7. Find The Strength Within Strong people find ways to pull on inner strength to build themselves up. They have no need to pull others down in order to achieve this. Genuine cheerleading is the true path to success. Putting others down is a short-lived boost; uplifting others creates a lasting impact.

8. Take Responsibility For yourself. Accepting responsibility is crucial, but toxic self-blame hinders progress. Learn from mistakes and grow, without labelling yourself negatively. While it’s important to accept personal responsibility when you make a mistake, toxic self-blame does more harm than good so it’s also wise to avoid it. Saying “I made a bad choice” is much more productive than thinking “I am a bad person.”

9. Sing Your Own Praises No need to downplay achievements. Mentally strong people gracefully accept compliments, owning their success without fear of appearing arrogant.


Image by gibbysocks from Pixabay

The Early Clues To Adult Personality

As new parents we strive to see early clues in our baby’s temperament to see if we’re able to guess what they may be like as adults. But how far does this go and can we really tell what we might be like as adults from our baby ways?

There are so many facets to our personality it may initially seem impossible to say what we’re like as babies will shape us as adults. Altogether we are affected and shaped by our many experiences and relationships so if we are continually developing our personality can our baby personality dictate our adult personality? I believe it certainly informs it and here’s how…..

The Foundations of Personality Development

Picture this: your childhood as the canvas, experiences as the brushstrokes. They paint the masterpiece that is your adult personality. Transactional Analysis points to these early interactions as being the building blocks of who we become. A kid surrounded by love? Well, that might just lay the groundwork for a future filled with positivity and confidence.

Using Transactional Analysis To Understand Early Personality Traits

Personality development is a complex and fascinating journey that begins in the earliest stages of life. Understanding the roots of adult personality traits requires a look into the realm of Transactional Analysis (TA), a psychological theory developed by Eric Berne. TA explores how individuals’ ego states, namely the Parent, Adult, and Child ego states, influence our behaviours and relationships. Let’s delve into how these ego states shape adult personality traits from an early age.

The Parent Ego State: Nurturing and Conditioning

The Parent ego state represents the internalised messages and behaviours that we inherit from our caregivers. From infancy, children observe and internalise the behaviour of their parents or primary caregivers, which becomes the foundation of their Parent ego state. These early experiences shape the child’s value system, attitudes, and beliefs. For instance, if a child grows up in a strict household, they may develop a critical Parent ego state, leading to traits like authority, discipline, and perhaps judgment.

The Child Ego State: Emotions and Experiences

The Child ego state reflects our emotional and instinctual responses to life’s events, stemming from early experiences and memories. Children are naturally in touch with their Child ego state, expressing their emotions openly. How parents respond to these emotions influences the development of the Child ego state. A child who feels secure and loved is likely to grow into an adult who is emotionally resilient, creative, and spontaneous.

The Adult Ego State: Rational Thinking and Decision Making

The Adult ego state represents our capacity for objective, logical thinking and problem-solving. This ego state is relatively undeveloped in young children but gradually evolves as they learn to navigate the world. It becomes the rational, responsible, and independent aspect of the personality. A child’s exposure to critical thinking, problem-solving, and decision-making processes shapes their Adult ego state.

Shaping Personality Traits

From early on, the interaction between these ego states plays a significant role in shaping personality traits. For instance, a child who grows up in an environment where their Parent ego state is constantly criticised may develop a strong inner critic. This may lead to traits like perfectionism, anxiety, or low self-esteem.

Conversely, a child raised in an environment that nurtures their Child ego state, allowing them to express emotions freely and encouraging creativity, may grow up to be more emotionally balanced, creative, and open-minded as adults.

Furthermore, fostering a strong Adult ego state in a child involves encouraging critical thinking, problem-solving, and decision-making skills. Such an upbringing can lead to traits like adaptability, resilience, and independence in adulthood.

It is important to note that the interplay between these ego states is not static; they are dynamic and can evolve throughout one’s life. People have the capacity to adapt and change their ego states based on their experiences and self-awareness.

Environmental Factors and Adult Personality Traits

Now, let’s widen our lens beyond the family album. The world around us? Oh, it’s a big player in this personality game. Transactional Analysis is our trusty magnifying glass, helping us see how the outside world shapes our traits. Think of it as a dance between nature and nurture, crafting our unique adult personalities. Spoiler alert: it’s a pretty intricate choreography.

Unveiling Your Transactional Blueprint

Here we are, at the finish line. Think of understanding your adult personality as decoding a blueprint. Transactional Analysis concepts provide a valuable framework for understanding this process. The Parent, Child, and Adult ego states play a significant role in shaping personality traits, and the environment in which a child grows up greatly influences the development of these ego states.

Every interaction, every childhood memory – they’re all stitches in this unique tapestry. Transactional Analysis is a superhero sidekick, helping you unveil your personal narrative. So, embrace your quirks, learn from your past, and step into a future where you’re not just reading the blueprint – you’re the architect of your own unique personality!


Photo by TawnyNina