Category: Counselling and Psychotherapy

Improve Your Mental Strength

Posted on by Alana Burton

Ever wondered why some people seem to bounce back effortlessly from life’s curveballs while others struggle to regain their footing? The secret lies in mental strength – that intangible power to recover from adversity, rise above setbacks, and embrace challenges head-on.

What is Mental Strength?

Mental strength, or mental resilience is the emotional ability of being able to recover from adversity.

  • Mentally resilient people often transcend hard times despite seemingly impossible setbacks.
  • Mental resilience is correlated with emotional maturity and the ability to see reality clearly.
  • Mental resilience is negatively correlated with psychopathology and emotional immaturity.

Promoting Mental Strength

Just like sculpting those biceps at the gym, mental strength demands discipline, commitment, and time.  Let’s take look at the habits of mentally strong people:

1. They Don’t Compare Themselves With Others Scrolling through social media can trigger the comparison game, but mentally strong people know that every moment spent comparing is a moment lost on personal growth. External opinions don’t define them. Mentally strong people build their self-belief, immune to criticism or rejection.

2. They Don’t Strive for Perfection Perfectionism, the sneaky stress inducer, is a no-go zone. Set high standards, but don’t let the pursuit of perfection impair your performance because just like Father Christmas, it doesn’t exist.

3. They Embrace Vulnerability Game faces have their time and place, but mentally strong people recognise that asking for help and showing vulnerability are signs of strength, not weakness.

4. They Don’t Let Self-Doubt Stop Them Your brain might whisper doubts, but mentally strong women don’t let self-doubt be the roadblock to their goals. They know the brain tends to underestimate their capabilities.

5. Ditch Rumination Ruminating over every detail is a mental energy drain. Instead, focus on problem-solving and productive action, freeing up your mind for what truly matters.

6. Putting the Big Girl Pants On Avoiding challenges keeps you stuck. Mentally strong people face fears head-on, one step at a time, building confidence along the way. Whether someone told you that you’d never amount to anything, or you got turned down for a promotion, other people can limit your potential if you let them. Your brain might sometimes try to convince you that you’re not good enough, capable enough, or smart enough. But don’t believe everything you think. Your brain will underestimate you. Build belief in yourself, and you won’t let criticism or rejection stop you.

7. Find The Strength Within Strong people find ways to pull on inner strength to build themselves up. They have no need to pull others down in order to achieve this. Genuine cheerleading is the true path to success. Putting others down is a short-lived boost; uplifting others creates a lasting impact.

8. Take Responsibility For yourself. Accepting responsibility is crucial, but toxic self-blame hinders progress. Learn from mistakes and grow, without labelling yourself negatively. While it’s important to accept personal responsibility when you make a mistake, toxic self-blame does more harm than good so it’s also wise to avoid it. Saying “I made a bad choice” is much more productive than thinking “I am a bad person.”

9. Sing Your Own Praises No need to downplay achievements. Mentally strong people gracefully accept compliments, owning their success without fear of appearing arrogant.

 

Image by gibbysocks from Pixabay

The Early Clues To Adult Personality

Posted on by Alana Burton

As new parents we strive to see early clues in our baby’s temperament to see if we’re able to guess what they may be like as adults. But how far does this go and can we really tell what we might be like as adults from our baby ways?

There are so many facets to our personality it may initially seem impossible to say what we’re like as babies will shape us as adults. Altogether we are affected and shaped by our many experiences and relationships so if we are continually developing our personality can our baby personality dictate our adult personality? I believe it certainly informs it and here’s how…..

The Foundations of Personality Development

Picture this: your childhood as the canvas, experiences as the brushstrokes. They paint the masterpiece that is your adult personality. Transactional Analysis points to these early interactions as being the building blocks of who we become. A kid surrounded by love? Well, that might just lay the groundwork for a future filled with positivity and confidence.

Using Transactional Analysis To Understand Early Personality Traits

Personality development is a complex and fascinating journey that begins in the earliest stages of life. Understanding the roots of adult personality traits requires a look into the realm of Transactional Analysis (TA), a psychological theory developed by Eric Berne. TA explores how individuals’ ego states, namely the Parent, Adult, and Child ego states, influence our behaviours and relationships. Let’s delve into how these ego states shape adult personality traits from an early age.

The Parent Ego State: Nurturing and Conditioning

The Parent ego state represents the internalised messages and behaviours that we inherit from our caregivers. From infancy, children observe and internalise the behaviour of their parents or primary caregivers, which becomes the foundation of their Parent ego state. These early experiences shape the child’s value system, attitudes, and beliefs. For instance, if a child grows up in a strict household, they may develop a critical Parent ego state, leading to traits like authority, discipline, and perhaps judgment.

The Child Ego State: Emotions and Experiences

The Child ego state reflects our emotional and instinctual responses to life’s events, stemming from early experiences and memories. Children are naturally in touch with their Child ego state, expressing their emotions openly. How parents respond to these emotions influences the development of the Child ego state. A child who feels secure and loved is likely to grow into an adult who is emotionally resilient, creative, and spontaneous.

The Adult Ego State: Rational Thinking and Decision Making

The Adult ego state represents our capacity for objective, logical thinking and problem-solving. This ego state is relatively undeveloped in young children but gradually evolves as they learn to navigate the world. It becomes the rational, responsible, and independent aspect of the personality. A child’s exposure to critical thinking, problem-solving, and decision-making processes shapes their Adult ego state.

Shaping Personality Traits

From early on, the interaction between these ego states plays a significant role in shaping personality traits. For instance, a child who grows up in an environment where their Parent ego state is constantly criticised may develop a strong inner critic. This may lead to traits like perfectionism, anxiety, or low self-esteem.

Conversely, a child raised in an environment that nurtures their Child ego state, allowing them to express emotions freely and encouraging creativity, may grow up to be more emotionally balanced, creative, and open-minded as adults.

Furthermore, fostering a strong Adult ego state in a child involves encouraging critical thinking, problem-solving, and decision-making skills. Such an upbringing can lead to traits like adaptability, resilience, and independence in adulthood.

It is important to note that the interplay between these ego states is not static; they are dynamic and can evolve throughout one’s life. People have the capacity to adapt and change their ego states based on their experiences and self-awareness.

Environmental Factors and Adult Personality Traits

Now, let’s widen our lens beyond the family album. The world around us? Oh, it’s a big player in this personality game. Transactional Analysis is our trusty magnifying glass, helping us see how the outside world shapes our traits. Think of it as a dance between nature and nurture, crafting our unique adult personalities. Spoiler alert: it’s a pretty intricate choreography.

Unveiling Your Transactional Blueprint

Here we are, at the finish line. Think of understanding your adult personality as decoding a blueprint. Transactional Analysis concepts provide a valuable framework for understanding this process. The Parent, Child, and Adult ego states play a significant role in shaping personality traits, and the environment in which a child grows up greatly influences the development of these ego states.

Every interaction, every childhood memory – they’re all stitches in this unique tapestry. Transactional Analysis is a superhero sidekick, helping you unveil your personal narrative. So, embrace your quirks, learn from your past, and step into a future where you’re not just reading the blueprint – you’re the architect of your own unique personality!

 

Photo by TawnyNina

Navigating Couples Therapy When Your Partner Isn’t on the Same Page

Posted on by Alana Burton

Deciding to seek couples psychotherapy can be a significant step toward improving your relationship. When you opt for the modality of Transactional Analysis (TA), it demonstrates your commitment to understanding and resolving issues in a healthy and constructive manner. However, what happens when you’re all in, but your partner isn’t on the same page? Challenges in couples therapy like this can be overcome and could be the start of sorting things out.

Open Communication

Start by having an open and honest conversation with your partner about your desire to pursue TA couples psychotherapy. Clearly express your reasons for wanting to do so and listen to their concerns and reservations. Encourage your partner to share their perspective, and try to empathise with their feelings.

Education and Information

Share information about TA therapy and what to expect with your partner. Provide resources, books, or articles that explain what TA is and how it can benefit couples. This knowledge might help alleviate some of their concerns or misconceptions about the therapy.

Respect Their Decision

It’s essential to respect your partner’s choice if they are not willing to engage in TA couples therapy at this time. Understand that therapy should be a mutual decision, and pushing your partner into it may lead to resistance and resentment.

Self-Work

While you may have initially sought therapy as a couple, you can still embark on individual therapy in the modality of TA. Working on your own issues can have a positive impact on your relationship, and your partner may eventually be inspired to join you.

Patience and Understanding

Remember that everyone progresses at their own pace. Be patient with your partner and try to understand their concerns. Encourage open dialogue and revisit the topic periodically, as their perspective may evolve over time.

Setting Boundaries

If your partner’s unwillingness to participate in TA therapy is causing significant strain on your relationship, it may be helpful to establish clear boundaries and expectations about how you’ll navigate these differences.

Seek Mediation

If your relationship issues are severe, consider seeking the assistance of a professional mediator or relationship coach. They can help facilitate communication between you and your partner and guide you toward mutually beneficial solutions.

Self-Care

While you’re waiting for your partner’s decision or working through your own issues, don’t neglect self-care. Maintaining your emotional and mental well-being is essential, regardless of your partner’s choices.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue couples psychotherapy in the modality of Transactional Analysis should be a joint one. If your partner is not initially open to the idea, it’s important to respect their boundaries and proceed with understanding and patience. Over time, with open communication and the right approach, they may come to see the benefits of TA therapy for your relationship. In the meantime, remember that self-work and self-care can still bring about positive changes within your partnership.

 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash