Best Things To Say To Someone With Depression

We quite often come across lists of things to avoid saying to someone with depression but can we say to someone suffering?

Our immediate inclination may be to want to help them out of their dark space. We want to make things better and we want whatever is troubling them to go away. If you haven’t suffered with clinical depression it may not be so clear what is useful and what is not useful to say. How can you know what it feels like if you haven’t been through it yourself? It may be an uncomfortable place to acknowledge that you’re not familiar with the depths of despair someone seems to be experiencing. Platitudes and rallying support may be met with a brick wall.

So What Is Useful To Say?

Even if you are very close to the person suffering, knowing what to say may be a challenge. The following are some starter tips for what to say to show support for someone experiencing depression.

“I Love You”

“Would you like some space?”

“You may not want to talk right now so can I just sit with you?”

“I’m here for you and I care”

“When you’re ready to talk I will be here to listen”

“Can I make you a cup of tea?”

“You are not alone”

“You matter”

“You are important to me”

“I know things are tough right now but I’ll always be here”

Getting help

Getting professional help and having counselling for depression is an important first step. Depression will affect 1 in 3 people at some point in their life so know that you are not alone in feeling the way you do.

Why Psychotherapy is Vital in Treating Depression

These days depression is so common that at any some point in our life we are bound to encounter someone experiencing some form of depression or experience depression ourselves. 1 in 5 people show symptoms of depression and prescriptions issued for anti-depressants are at an all time high in the UK.

As a nation then, are we more depressed or are GP’s more relaxed about prescribing anti-depressants? Maybe it’s neither of these. These days, we generally have a better understanding and appreciation of our own mental well-being. We are more aware of the importance of looking after our mind. Just as much as we care for our physical health, we are now more open and pro-active about helping ourselves when we feel unable to overcome certain issues ourselves. Altogether this contributes to broader awareness and openness about going to see a therapist if we need a bit of support with our mental health. So it may seem like the problem is getting worse but in reality it’s probably the same but it’s just out there more.

Depression and Anti-depressants

While the use of anti-depressants definitely has a place in the treatment of depression, they actually have little or no benefit in treating mild depression. The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) guidelines state that for mild to moderate depression, psychotherapy is the preferred treatment. In many cases, psychotherapy is a perfect partner to anti-depressants. Medication supports us through certain stages and psychotherapy for depression takes us forward for longer-lasting changes.

So how does psychotherapy help with depression?

For a persistent low mood, studies have shown that medication alone does not tackle the underlying issues which may be causing the depression. Medication can of course be quite a saviour for many and they can be effective in keeping us afloat when we’re unable to cope nor do something else about our problems. However, the use of medication alone may result in high instances of relapse if stopped.

Depression can affect a person in many different ways spread over multiple different aspects of functioning. Psychotherapy for depression can help in many ways across these aspects by systematically tackling key issues that may be causing it. For example, psychotherapy can support someone with ways of thinking about themselves, their world and others. It can help with ways of processing emotions and also with the strategies we use to cope with problems. Psychotherapy actually has the potential to change our ways of looking at ourselves and our situation so that we are better able to see the wood for the trees. It enables us to make fundamental changes to how we feel, think or behave about certain things and to see where we could make improvements.

Talking to a therapist about issues you’re facing may ease stress and offer a new perspective on the source of your problems. By helping you to recognise problematic ways of thinking, feeling or behaving, psychotherapy supports you in finding new ways of being. Early intervention and having the chance to talk over your problems may also prevent depression worsening. Psychotherapy is also a tool that can have a lasting and profound impact on mental well-being.

Transactional Analysis psychotherapy and depression

Transactional Analysis is a systematic approach to psychotherapy and an excellent tool for diagnosis and treatment planning. TA makes use of a diverse range of concepts that can help therapist and client formulate a treatment plan that is tangible, clear and effective. Importantly, TA tools can also aid understanding of depression. It is also an empathic and a proactive approach that clients can find very useful.

As an example, Transactional Analysis can help you identify the ways in which you spend your time and whether those ways are getting your needs met. Are you perhaps spending your time withdrawing? Or are you perhaps still engaging with people but are finding it very unfulfilling with little prospect of enjoyable intimacy with anyone?

Research into Transactional Analysis has also shown that it is as effective as cognitive behavioural therapies in treating depression.

psychotherapy for depression


To find out more about psychotherapy for depression, get in touch with Alana for an initial no-obligation appointment.

Anger vs. Aggression: What’s the Difference?

Anger is an acceptable feeling. Aggression is a behaviour.

For many, anger is a problem feeling. It gets a bad name and is considered tricky and challenging to address and acknowledge within ourselves. This often comes down to a confusion between the two emotions. Identifying anger vs. aggression may support someone to understand more about the origins and triggers. Anger and aggression which have different purposes and come from different places and knowing which is which for us is a positive starting place.

If our boundaries are jeopardised in any way or if our needs are not appropriately met, feeling angry is a way of attempting to change our environment and to get those needs met. Anger is an acceptable feeling and functional response to desire to change or do something in the present. It can be problem solving and a ‘vehicle for change’, i.e. a healthy way to get things done. It is also a primary emotion and a survival tool if it is in direct response to an active stimulus at that point in time.

Aggression is how we choose to behave in response to a stimulus and involves forcibly and harmfully attempting to get others to behave differently. Exerting ourselves over others in any way is an unacceptable way of dealing with our emotions and can be bullying and harmful.

When anger feelings are confused with aggressive behaviours it can result in any healthy anger being denied. We may box our “angry feelings”, deem them unsafe and leave them to fester in a repressed box of emotions. This is the point we may have mixed up healthy anger for unhealthy aggression. On the other hand, if we accept and deal with angry feelings as and when they arise we are more likely to get our needs met. Embracing our anger is a perfectly acceptable and healthy way to articulate our feelings towards our need not being met or having our boundaries crossed.

Understanding the origins of our anger can tell us a lot about how we deal with anger and what purpose it serves us individually. During an assessment your therapist may ask you questions around how you deal with anger and what happens when you are angry to establish an appropriate treatment plan.

To work on anger management issues, ask any questions or make an appointment, please get in touch.