Anger vs. Aggression: What’s the Difference?

Posted on by Alana Burton

Anger is an acceptable feeling. Aggression is a behaviour.

For many, anger is a problem feeling. It gets a bad name and is considered tricky and challenging to address and acknowledge within ourselves. This often comes down to a confusion between the two emotions. Identifying anger vs. aggression may support someone to understand more about the origins and triggers. Anger and aggression which have different purposes and come from different places and knowing which is which for us is a positive starting place.

If our boundaries are jeopardised in any way or if our needs are not appropriately met, feeling angry is a way of attempting to change our environment and to get those needs met. Anger is an acceptable feeling and functional response to desire to change or do something in the present. It can be problem solving and a ‘vehicle for change’, i.e. a healthy way to get things done. It is also a primary emotion and a survival tool if it is in direct response to an active stimulus at that point in time.

Aggression is how we choose to behave in response to a stimulus and involves forcibly and harmfully attempting to get others to behave differently. Exerting ourselves over others in any way is an unacceptable way of dealing with our emotions and can be bullying and harmful.

When anger feelings are confused with aggressive behaviours it can result in any healthy anger being denied. We may box our “angry feelings”, deem them unsafe and leave them to fester in a repressed box of emotions. This is the point we may have mixed up healthy anger for unhealthy aggression. On the other hand, if we accept and deal with angry feelings as and when they arise we are more likely to get our needs met. Embracing our anger is a perfectly acceptable and healthy way to articulate our feelings towards our need not being met or having our boundaries crossed.

Understanding the origins of our anger can tell us a lot about how we deal with anger and what purpose it serves us individually. During an assessment your therapist may ask you questions around how you deal with anger and what happens when you are angry to establish an appropriate treatment plan.

To work on anger management issues, ask any questions or make an appointment, please get in touch.

How to choose a therapist

Posted on by Alana Burton

It may not be difficult to come across multiple listings of therapists who are local to you – but how do you go about deciding which one is right for you? You may not have a clear idea until you’ve reached the point of meeting someone but considering the below points in choosing a therapist may give you a head start.

1) Once you’ve decided that you would like to get in touch with someone to start therapy sessions, take your time and shop around. The person you end up seeing will be someone you may be sharing really important information with and they may also be the person who hears things you may not have spoken to anyone else before. Trust and feeling comfortable and safe with your therapist is crucial as the relationship you have with them is the most influential aspect of how successful your therapy may be.

2) Ask around. You may have friends and family members who are seeing therapists or who have seen someone in the past so ask them what they enjoyed most about their therapy. Also ask them what maybe did not work for them. If you haven’t had therapy yourself before, this may be a good starting point to give you ideas on what it is that is likely to also be important to you in your therapy. And if you have had therapy before, take some time to consider what did and didn’t work for you that time around.

3) Read up on therapist profiles. It may be completely different to read a profile and to meet someone in person but when you’re looking online, reading profiles may be the best starting point you have. Establish who sounds like they may be a person you would like to meet and work with. When choosing a therapist have a shortlist of people you want to get in touch with to set up initial appointments.

4) Take time to consider what may be important for you in the therapy room before you start. For instance, would you be happy if there is a waiting period before you can start? Is gender an issue and would you be comfortable with a male or female? Is sexuality important? You may for example want to work with someone who also identifies as lesbian. How much are you able to pay? Would you like to focus on a current issue and immediate problem or would you like to take time to process a historic experience?

5) Notice what’s going on for you when you first talk to or meet a potential therapist. Whether or not you can articulate what may feel right or wrong, you will probably have an insight into whether a person just feels right for you or not. Consider whether you felt heard; Can you envisage seeing this person on a regular basis? If you have any doubts you are happy to share, talk them over with the therapist, if there is someone who may be a better fit, you may also be able to get further recommendations.

 

5 Things to Consider When Starting Therapy

Posted on by Alana Burton

So, this is it. You’ve thought about looking in to having counselling for a while. You’re now at the point where you’ve had a look online and started to identify a local therapist you may decide you want to contact and go and see. Well first of all, well done on taking that first step! Counselling can be a hugely empowering and positive experience and if you’re also contemplating making that step, read on for a few considerations when starting therapy.

  1. We are all individuals, we are all unique in our needs, our desires and our histories. As a result, what may be important for you when starting therapy may not be a priority for the next person.

The most important thing in any therapy is the relationship that you have with your therapist. There is much research to suggest that the modality of therapy undertaken by the therapist is not as important as the connection you may be able to build with that person. It’s advisable to meet a few therapists and have initial talks with them before committing to therapy with one. Take time to find your feet in regards to what you feel you want and need from a therapist. You may not necessarily be able to articulate what it is that just “feels right” but do go with your gut instinct on who feels right.

2. Starting therapy is a major deal!

Starting out on your therapy journey can be a daunting experience and is a big deal. You may want to discuss something that has been not working for you for years, or it may be a big financial commitment to consider starting therapy. Whatever is going on for you, be assured that your therapist will be looking to offer a safe and comfortable environment for you to be able to bring any of your concerns and questions. Your therapist will be aware that meeting someone for the first time can be a nervous time, especially as this may be the person you could end up discussing issues you haven’t mentioned to anyone else before!

3. Therapy can take time

There’s no prescribed length of what makes for the “right” length of a therapeutic relationship. Loosely 6-12 sessions may be considered shorter term and 12+ sessions may be considered longer term but it is entirely different from one person to the next. Together with your therapist you will be able to discuss issues important to you and together you can work out what may be a suggested length of time to work together. This is always negotiable and can be revised at any point. What is important to remember though is that you will always have control and input over how long you would like to work together and your therapist will be available to respond appropriately to what you want to do. Your therapist may offer suggestions as to how that works and plays out between you but this is your therapy and it needs to work for you.

4. You may be nervous…or you may be excited!

Now you know what you’re doing is a big deal, you may feel nervous ahead of meeting your therapist for the first time. This is perfectly normal! During your assessment and initial sessions your therapist will be asking more questions with an aim of getting a better idea of what is going on for you and whether she is going to be the best person for you. Together you will be looking to find out if you will be able to work together. You need to feel comfortable with the person that you will see every week and while it may not be immediately obvious whether you have a full feel for your therapist, you will probably have an inkling and a gut feeling of whether you want to return and start therapy with them. As well as nerves, you may also be feeling excited! Excitement and nervousness are similar on how and where we feel them in our body so maybe it’s excitement, maybe it’s nerves, either would be natural responses and your therapist will be open to whatever may be going on for you during that first meeting.

5. Your therapist won’t label you as crazy

Therapy is a non-judgemental and safe space for you to explore anything pertinent to you. Your sessions are a time and space for you and your therapist is there to provide a secure and boundaried environment for you to explore your issues at your own pace.

Click here to read more on starting therapy.