My writing process has always been slow and deliberate. It takes time to find that elusive “writing zone”, and it usually arrives late at night between 10 p.m. and 1 a.m., a time when life finally quietens but ideas wake up and common sense about reasonable bedtimes is thrown out the window (it’s currently just gone 9pm). Balancing this with work, rest and everyday life has been no small feat.

Finding Space and Structure

Blogging offered a solution: a way to carve out small, bounded chunks of time where I could sit down, focus, and complete something. Or at least, that was the plan — before the inevitable email checks and ‘just one more cup of tea’ intervened. It allowed me to find form, to get words on the page, and to move on to the next piece.

And it worked — perhaps a little too well. The blog went quiet for a while and you could practically see the tumbleweed roll across the blog page as I poured all that creative focus into a much bigger project.

Today, I’m deeply proud to share that I’ve completed the first draft of my first book.

The Process of Writing

Writing this book has been more than an achievement; it has been a process of self-reflection and structure. I’ve spent many nights with a playlist in the background (‘Late Night Feels’ — my self-appointed ‘banging’ playlist — was actually built around one single song my bestie sent during a ‘let’s-avoid-work-by-sharing-music’ exchange.), yet another tea beside me, laptop open – sometimes writing fluidly, sometimes getting stuck, but always returning to the page.

There’s something grounding about it — those moments when thoughts start to settle and meaning begins to take shape. It’s similar to how ideas can clarify themselves in a morning shower or a quiet walk: the mind slows, fragments align, and understanding emerges.

As I explored in The Value of Downtime, sometimes it’s in those moments of stillness that creativity finds its flow. For me, writing has become a form of anchoring — a way to bring together thoughts and emotions, to see patterns, to find words for what was previously unspoken. The result has often been relief, clarity and a quiet sense of confidence.

A Labour of Love

This first book has been a true labour of love and one of the most cathartic experiences I’ve ever had. Whether or not it is ever published feels almost secondary (though my inner perfectionist still needs a little convincing on that); the act of creating it has been meaningful in itself.

That said, I am already at work on a second book — one I hope will make its way into the world. But before that, I wanted to pause and honour this process, and the creative part of me that simply loves doing this.

As I reflected in What Do We Mean by “The Self” in Psychotherapy?, there is something profoundly integrative about aligning different parts of ourselves — the thinking, feeling and creative selves — into one coherent whole. Writing has been one of the most effective ways I’ve found to do that.

An Invitation to Reflect

If you’ve been holding back on a creative project or something that’s calling to you, it might be worth asking:

• When is my “zone” of focus or flow?

• What conditions help me to engage with something meaningful without the rest of life unravelling around it?

The start of something new can bring up uncertainty, but it can also carry enormous potential — as I discussed in New Year, Fresh Start: How Reflection Fuels Personal Growth. Creativity, like self-reflection, is a process of returning to ourselves with renewed perspective.

Back in the Room

After this long and wonderful detour, I’m back here — ready to write, reflect, and reconnect. Possibly at slightly more reasonable hours — though I’m not promising anything. In fact, that small detail will go entirely unnoticed as I schedule this to appear on Monday morning rather than late on a Friday night, as I’m writing it now.

Just as therapy can offer a space to find structure, meaning and connection, writing has offered me the same. My own therapeutic writing journey. I hope to bring that energy back into this blog — a space for shared reflection, curiosity and creative growth.

The post Returning to the Page: Creativity, Structure and My Writing Journey appeared first on Southdowns Psychotherapy.

This morning the Happiful magazine newsletter landed in my inbox and the title of the newsletter was “It’s OK to look for hope”. It was a pertinent reminder for me to read today on a day when it has not always been easy to take a reflective standpoint and know that even when things aren’t going the way you want them to be, it’s ok to still look for hope.

The Role of Hope in Personal Growth

Hope is a curious thing. It doesn’t demand perfection or certainty; rather, it invites us to hold space for possibility. Often, in moments of difficulty or despair, the idea of hoping can feel almost naïve or even futile. Yet, hope is not about ignoring the challenges we face or pretending everything is fine. It’s about recognising that even amid the struggles, there remains potential for change, growth, and healing.

Transactional Analysis: Understanding the Power of Hope

In psychotherapy, and particularly in Transactional Analysis (TA), hope can be seen as a fundamental part of the journey toward change. TA recognises that we all hold within us the capacity for growth, healing, and creating a new story for ourselves—this is often referred to as the concept of autonomy. Autonomy in TA involves regaining access to three vital human capacities: awareness, spontaneity, and the ability to choose. Hope, in this sense, isn’t a denial of the now; it’s an act of self-compassion and resilience. It reminds us that while we can’t always control the outcomes, we can nurture a mindset that leaves room for the possibility of brighter days.

Breaking Free from Limiting Scripts

TA also explores how past experiences, particularly those formed in early life, can shape the way we approach hope today. Through patterns known as scripts, we develop unconscious narratives about who we are and what we can expect from the world. Sometimes, these scripts might include messages that discourage us from holding onto hope—for example, beliefs like, “Things never work out for me” or “It’s pointless to try.”

Reconnecting with Your Inner Child’s Capacity for Hope

However, TA provides a framework for identifying and challenging these limiting scripts. Through a compassionate and collaborative process, we can begin to rewrite them, allowing ourselves to connect with the hopeful parts of our inner Child state—the part of us that naturally dreams, imagines, and believes in possibilities.

Choosing Hope: A Step Toward Autonomy

Hope, therefore, isn’t just an abstract idea in TA; it’s a practice rooted in self-awareness and choice. It’s about recognising that even if your past has shaped you, it doesn’t have to define your future. If you’re finding it hard to hold onto hope today, remember that it’s OK to take small steps. Hope doesn’t have to look grand or transformative—it can be as simple as reaching out to a friend, taking a walk, or pausing to reflect on what’s within your control.

When considering what title I would give to my own blog post I considered various options. Did ‘Nurturing Hope: A Journey Through Reflection and Transactional Analysis’ fit for me? Or was ‘Finding Hope: Rewriting Your Story with Transactional Analysis’ better? I finally settled on something more concise and direct. Sometimes hope really is a process of believing in oneself, ones abilities and ultimately, holding on to the small and basic steps that are more than possible.

Small Steps to Embrace Hope in Everyday Life

Finding hope is not about diminishing the struggles you face. It’s about giving yourself permission to believe that things can and will shift, one moment at a time. And that’s more than OK—it’s brave.

If you would like to find out more about how TA can support you to find hope and make changes, get in touch to arrange an assessment session today.

The post Finding Hope appeared first on Southdowns Psychotherapy.

This post explores the emotional patterns of people with BPD through the mentalisation model, which provides insights into how they process thoughts, emotions, and relationships.

What is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?

BPD is a mental health disorder characterised by emotional dysregulation, unstable relationships, and a fragile sense of self. People with BPD often struggle to manage their emotions and may experience intense fears of abandonment, leading to behaviours that can seem erratic or confusing to loved ones.

At the core of BPD is a difficulty with mentalising—the ability to reflect on one’s own thoughts and emotions while also considering the thoughts and feelings of others. When someone with BPD is emotionally distressed, their capacity to mentalise can collapse, making it harder to navigate relationships calmly and thoughtfully.

It is also crucial to mention that the term Borderline Personality Disorder is actually synonymous with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. The terms are used interchangeably and describe the same set of symptoms.

Emotional Turbulence and Hyper-Sensitivity

One hallmark of BPD, or EUPD is emotional dysregulation, where emotions can shift quickly from one extreme to another. In relationships, this may look like a loved one feeling deeply connected one moment and then suddenly hurt, angry, or distant the next. Hence, the renaming of BPD to Emotionally Unstable PD as this more accurately reflects what is going on.

People with BPD are also hyper-sensitive to social cues, such as tone of voice or body language. For example, they might notice you crossing your arms and assume you are upset, even if that wasn’t your intention. This sensitivity can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, as they often make inaccurate assumptions about what others are thinking or feeling.

What you might hear:

• “Your tone sounds like you’re annoyed with me.”
• “If you really cared, you’d tell me right away.”

This intense focus on others’ behaviours stems from a deep fear of rejection or abandonment.

Impulsivity and Conflict

People with BPD often act on impulse, especially during emotional distress. This can result in quick decisions or harsh reactions without pausing to reflect on the consequences.

For example:

• They might lash out during an argument.
• They may assume you don’t care because you took time to reply to a message.

These behaviours can be exhausting for loved ones, especially when they feel like they’re constantly walking on eggshells.

The mentalisation model explains that this impulsivity is tied to an over-reliance on automatic emotional reactions rather than reflective thinking. The person with BPD may not pause to consider other perspectives, it is challenging for them to genuinely appreciate other’s perspectives, making it difficult for them to reflect on how their actions affect others. Perhaps you have been confused by someone’s demands/preferences for your sexual relationship and little awareness is shown of what it means to the other person. These impulsive behaviours can leave their loved ones feeling hurt or confused. It can also be exhausting for the person trying desperately to remain consistent and stable in the face of such instability.

The Push-Pull Dynamic in Relationships

One of the most challenging aspects of being in a relationship with someone with BPD is the push-pull dynamic. They may crave closeness but then pull away suddenly when the relationship feels too overwhelming.

This happens because the other person’s emotions can feel psychologically invasive. When someone with BPD feels too influenced by their partner’s emotional state, they may fear losing their identity. To protect themselves, they may withdraw or create emotional distance.

What you might experience:

• They might express intense affection, only to suddenly become distant or critical.
• They may propose long-term commitments and later seem to dismiss those plans entirely.

This dynamic can be emotionally draining for both partners.

How to Respond with Compassion and Boundaries

Understanding that BPD behaviours are rooted in emotional pain and vulnerability can help you respond with more empathy. However, it’s also essential to set boundaries to protect your own well-being.

Here are some practical tips for navigating relationships with someone with BPD/EUPD:

1. Stay Calm and Reflective
   When emotions run high, try to remain calm and reflective. Avoid escalating conflicts by matching their intensity. Instead, pause and encourage a thoughtful conversation.
2. Avoid Taking Things Personally
   Many of the reactions you may experience from your loved one stem from their internal struggles, not from something you’ve done. Remind yourself that their behaviours are a reflection of their pain, not a judgement of you.
3. Encourage Mentalising
   Help your loved one slow down and reflect on their thoughts and feelings before acting. Ask open-ended questions like:

• “What do you think is happening right now?”
• “How are you feeling about that?”

These questions can encourage them to process their emotions more thoughtfully.

4. Set Boundaries with Compassion
It’s important to set limits to protect your emotional well-being. For example, you can set boundaries around how you communicate during conflicts or how you manage emotional outbursts. Do so with compassion, making it clear that your boundaries are about protecting the relationship, not rejecting the person.

Why Relationships Can Be So Painful for People with BPD

People with BPD experience profound emotional pain. One of the most distressing feelings is emptiness, a sense of having no stable identity or sense of self. To cope with this emptiness, they may seek validation from others. A series of unfulfilling short-term relationships may be a way of trying to get the validation required and to combat the empty feeling as a way of feeling something real or enlivening. Even engaging in ‘the chase’ may be indicative of the need for the temporary relief from the overwhelming emotional void. The mentalising capacity is also often compromised and the responses of others are not interpreted accurately. This leads to misunderstandings and conflicts, especially in close relationships where the stakes feel highest.

Recognising Patterns from Your Own Life

It’s also important to reflect on your own relationship patterns. If you grew up with a parent or caregiver who had BPD traits, you may find yourself drawn to relationships with similar dynamics. Understanding your own emotional responses and attachment patterns can be key to building healthier relationships.

Conclusion

Being in a relationship with someone who has BPD is challenging, but understanding the mentalisation model can provide insight into their behaviours. While empathy is important, so is setting healthy boundaries and ensuring your own emotional needs are met.

Seeking therapy—for both you and your loved one—can make a significant difference in navigating these relationships with more compassion and stability.

If you recognise any of the above traits in yourself or in your relationship get in touch to find out about how Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy informed by Mentalisation-Based Therapy can support you to move forward in a fulfilling, compassionate and happier way.

The post In a Relationship with Someone with BPD? appeared first on Southdowns Psychotherapy.

Having come to the end of another academic year, downtime in the summer holidays as a parent is an intriguing concept at best. How is it possible to incorporate downtime during those weeks when we feel like we have even more to do with children also around? Routines are up-ended in the summer holidays, children are doing different things at different times and the work-downtime balance is really thrown. Then, just as we think we’ve succeeded in juggling the work-downtime balancing act, they go back to school and we’re thrown into something different again.

Having recently spent a few nights alone in the beauty of the New Forest surrounded by free-roaming ponies, donkeys and cows, I am speaking from a place of just reconnecting with my own downtime. I really do believe there is so much to gain from scheduling in that bit of ‘me time’ on a regular basis.

So how can we recharge our batteries, reconnect with ourselves, and appreciate that in these modern times, we lead busier lives than ever?

The Importance of Recharging

Mental Health Benefits

Downtime allows our minds to rest. Just as our bodies need sleep to function optimally, our brains require periods of rest to process information, consolidate memories, and rejuvenate. Chronic stress and continuous engagement can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression. By scheduling regular breaks and downtime, we give our brains a chance to recover and maintain mental health.

Emotional Balance

Constant busyness can prevent us from addressing our emotional needs. Downtime provides an opportunity to process feelings and experiences that may have been pushed aside during hectic periods. It can help us gain perspective, understand our emotions better, and foster emotional resilience.

Physical Health

Our bodies benefit significantly from downtime. Chronic stress can lead to various health issues, including high blood pressure, heart disease, and weakened immune function. Taking time to rest and relax helps reduce stress levels, promotes better sleep, and supports overall physical health.

Reconnecting with Ourselves

Self-Reflection

Downtime offers a unique opportunity for self-reflection. When we step away from our busy schedules, we can take a closer look at our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. This self-awareness is crucial for personal growth and can lead to positive changes in our lives.

Rediscovering Passions

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to lose touch with activities and hobbies that bring us joy. Downtime allows us to reconnect with these passions, whether it’s reading, painting, gardening, or simply spending time in nature. Engaging in activities we love can boost our mood and provide a sense of fulfillment.

Strengthening Relationships

Quality time with loved ones often takes a backseat when we’re constantly on the go. Downtime provides an opportunity to nurture our relationships, whether it’s having a meaningful conversation with a friend, enjoying a family dinner, or simply being present with our partner. Strong relationships are a cornerstone of emotional well-being.

Appreciating Our Busy Lives

Perspective and Gratitude

Taking a break from our routines can help us gain a fresh perspective on our lives. It allows us to step back and appreciate the efforts we put into our work, relationships, and personal growth. This sense of gratitude can enhance our overall happiness and satisfaction.

Enhancing Productivity

Ironically, taking regular breaks can make us more productive. When we allow ourselves to rest and recharge, we return to our tasks with renewed energy and focus. This can lead to higher quality work and more efficient use of time.

Preventing Burnout

Burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. It can lead to decreased productivity, feelings of detachment, and even serious health issues. By incorporating downtime into our lives, we can do better at avoiding burnout and maintain a healthier balance between work and rest.

Practical Tips for Incorporating Downtime

Schedule Regular Breaks

Set aside specific times in your day for short breaks. Whether it’s a 10-minute walk, a coffee break, or a quick meditation session, these moments of rest can make a significant difference.

Unplug from Technology

Take regular breaks from screens and digital devices. Engage in activities that don’t involve technology, such as reading a book, taking a walk, or practicing mindfulness.

Prioritise Sleep

Ensure you get enough sleep each night. Good quality sleep is essential for mental and physical health, and it significantly contributes to our ability to recharge and function optimally. If you need any inspiration at all, read Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker. I learned so much from this book about the importance of sleep so it is a solid recommendation!

Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Incorporate mindfulness practices, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga, into your routine. These techniques can help reduce stress and promote relaxation.

Engage in Physical Activity

Regular physical activity is a great way to recharge and reduce stress. Find an exercise routine that you enjoy. Do you enjoy a walk or perhaps a bit of swimming? Maybe it’s a regular boogie in the kitchen (don’t knock the kitchen disco) or maybe football or tennis is your thing.

Spend Time in Nature

Nature has a calming effect on our minds and bodies. Spend time outdoors, whether it’s a walk in the park, a hike in the woods, or simply sitting in your garden. Nature can help us feel more grounded and connected. Go camping in a place with bad reception. After the initial couple of minutes mild panic about how you could possibly live without being constantly ‘connected’, you’ll be amazed at what a relief it actually is….

So what next?

The value of downtime is immense. It allows us to recharge our batteries, reconnect with ourselves, and appreciate the busy lives we lead. By prioritising rest and relaxation, we can maintain better mental, emotional, and physical health. As we navigate our hectic world, let’s remember the importance of slowing down and giving ourselves the gift of downtime. If you want to avoid burnout, reconnect with those forgotten but valued parts of your self and increase self-awareness you can also get in touch to find out more about therapy sessions.

The post The Value of Downtime appeared first on Southdowns Psychotherapy.

What is Mental Strength?

Mental strength, or mental resilience is the emotional ability of being able to recover from adversity.

• Mentally resilient people often transcend hard times despite seemingly impossible setbacks.
• Mental resilience is correlated with emotional maturity and the ability to see reality clearly.
• Mental resilience is negatively correlated with psychopathology and emotional immaturity.

Promoting Mental Strength

Just like sculpting those biceps at the gym, mental strength demands discipline, commitment, and time.  Let’s take look at the habits of mentally strong people:

1. They Don’t Compare Themselves With Others Scrolling through social media can trigger the comparison game, but mentally strong people know that every moment spent comparing is a moment lost on personal growth. External opinions don’t define them. Mentally strong people build their self-belief, immune to criticism or rejection.

2. They Don’t Strive for Perfection Perfectionism, the sneaky stress inducer, is a no-go zone. Set high standards, but don’t let the pursuit of perfection impair your performance because just like Father Christmas, it doesn’t exist.

3. They Embrace Vulnerability Game faces have their time and place, but mentally strong people recognise that asking for help and showing vulnerability are signs of strength, not weakness.

4. They Don’t Let Self-Doubt Stop Them Your brain might whisper doubts, but mentally strong women don’t let self-doubt be the roadblock to their goals. They know the brain tends to underestimate their capabilities.

5. Ditch Rumination Ruminating over every detail is a mental energy drain. Instead, focus on problem-solving and productive action, freeing up your mind for what truly matters.

6. Putting the Big Girl Pants On Avoiding challenges keeps you stuck. Mentally strong people face fears head-on, one step at a time, building confidence along the way. Whether someone told you that you’d never amount to anything, or you got turned down for a promotion, other people can limit your potential if you let them. Your brain might sometimes try to convince you that you’re not good enough, capable enough, or smart enough. But don’t believe everything you think. Your brain will underestimate you. Build belief in yourself, and you won’t let criticism or rejection stop you.

7. Find The Strength Within Strong people find ways to pull on inner strength to build themselves up. They have no need to pull others down in order to achieve this. Genuine cheerleading is the true path to success. Putting others down is a short-lived boost; uplifting others creates a lasting impact.

8. Take Responsibility For yourself. Accepting responsibility is crucial, but toxic self-blame hinders progress. Learn from mistakes and grow, without labelling yourself negatively. While it’s important to accept personal responsibility when you make a mistake, toxic self-blame does more harm than good so it’s also wise to avoid it. Saying “I made a bad choice” is much more productive than thinking “I am a bad person.”

9. Sing Your Own Praises No need to downplay achievements. Mentally strong people gracefully accept compliments, owning their success without fear of appearing arrogant.

Image by gibbysocks from Pixabay

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Dopamine is one of the brain’s “feel good” neurotransmitters. It induces feelings of excitement, motivation, aliveness and gratification. When we engage in certain behaviours, dopamine is released from where it is produced in the brain and enters our bloodstream to give us a feeling of satisfaction and reward.

Why Do We Need It?

From an evolutionary perspective, a release of dopamine is what incentivises us to do the things that are good for our survival, like eating, drinking and reproducing. Human beings are hard-wired to be reward-seeking and a healthy level of dopamine makes us feel happy, focused, alert and motivated.

‘Dopamining’

It may be a word right out of an urban dictionary, but the concept of “dopamining” is being increasingly used to describe the thrill of doing things that lead to a release of dopamine.

So Is Dopamine Addictive?

Dopamine itself is not addictive, but the feeling we get when we experience a flood of dopamine lights up the reward centres of the brain and compels us to want it more. The strong memory of the pleasure we felt as a result of a dopamine release is what we are focusing on and what we continue to seek.

Excessive repeated releases of dopamine can also over-stimulate our brain. In small doses this isn’t unhealthy, but arguably, some of the reward-seeking behaviours are what can be define as unhealthy and this is where things get complex.

Our iPhones for example, are like mini dopamine factories – pumping out little highs with each pick up. Modern phones have been designed with reward-seeking behaviour in mind and you just have to watch The Social Dilemma on Netflix to understand the magnitude of the problem. While it is not the phone itself that is addictive, the plethora of social media sites and apps is what has given us a positively endless supply of social stimuli in the thumbs up, likes, happy faces or messages that we receive. And, it’s not just the positive reactions we seek, it may be the negative reactions too. It can rapidly become a case of posting anything, even posting those things we know are just ideal to set us up for an online roasting because all we’re after is a response. Neuroscientists have shown that these positive and negative social stimuli activate the same neural reward pathways in the brain as a hit of cocaine would give us.

Being ‘addicted to your phone’ is just one example of how this can work. Other activities such as playing video games, drinking alcohol or infidelity can all behaviours that are based on this same reward system.

Where It Can Go Wrong

Regularly chasing a dopamine high off the back of an unhealthy behaviour can have serious implications for many areas of our life. Studies have shown there is a link between dopamine and compulsive behaviours and at an extreme level, continued and excessive dopamine hits can result in damage to the brain. Brain pathways are altered and the brain gets used to a new level of dopamine tolerance meaning that we are less sensitive to its impact. As we no longer get the same high, we may be compelled to seek increasingly unhealthy behaviours to achieve the same feeling. In the instance of alcohol use, this may look like drinking more and more. Even low dose alcohol is known to increase the release of dopamine.

In the case of infidelity, the brain’s self-control centre short-circuits and you may someone escalate from emotionally cheating to repeated infidelities or even engaging in risky sexual deviances. The thrill of the chase can be so intense it can sometimes look like a sex addiction (but that’s another blog post altogether). It’s not the sex that someone is addicted to though, it’s the dopamine release they are seeking and the sexual activity, or the chase at least, is just a way to obtain the dopamine rush.

Ultimately, the downfall is when it leads to poor impulse control and someone finds it impossible to resist certain behaviours. Instances of “It was just one more drink….” or relationships plagued by an incessant wave of infidelities rationalised as “just sexual banter” can lead to chronic problems in maintaining self-control that ends up costing someone dearly. Not only is there an impact to oneself in increases in stress, anxiety and depression and poor sleep quality, there is also collateral damage experienced in disruptions to personal relationships or in strained or dysfunctional family dynamics.

When To Get Help

If poor impulse control is something you recognise in yourself or in someone close, get help. There is work that can be done around identifying triggers and changing patterns in thinking, feeling and behaviour. Find a therapist you can talk to and one you feel you can work well with. Therapy can help improve levels of self-control and support someone in developing healthier coping strategies.

Photo (social media) by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash

Photo (heart) by Marah Bashir on Unsplash

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Mindfulness and Psychotherapy have a huge amount in common and when combined, the therapeutic benefits can be very powerful.

So what exactly is Mindfulness and how can it help with psychotherapy sessions?

Mindfulness, in my opinion, is no longer a new buzzword. It’s not a dazzling new “thing to do” but a powerful activity and way of life that is, to some extent, familiar to many. Whether you practice already, have flirted with the odd meditation here and there or have just heard it but not yet looked in to it, the concept of Mindfulness has reached quite far.

For those of us who have heard of it but not yet looked in to what it may involve or how it can help us, a common question is “Mindfulness? That’s about meditation right?”. And yes, those people would be correct. There may be meditative elements to Mindfulness BUT it is so much more…….

In this blog post I shall attempt to offer my view of what Mindfulness is to me and how I believe it can complement your psychotherapy sessions.

Mindfulness: More Than A Good Idea

Imagine there was a pill you could take on a daily basis to improve your concentration, increase your awareness, improve your outlook on personal relationships and reduce your general levels of stress.

You’d take it right?

If it was this simple then it seems like a no-brainer. While this may seem like wishful thinking, the practice of Mindfulness really is as simple as doing something on a regular basis. It is a way of strengthening parts of our brain in such an incremental and beneficial way. There is scientific evidence to prove that the act of controlled breathing learned through Mindfulness has a neurophysiological effect. As read in Medical News Today, even 25 minutes of Mindfulness can improve brain function and boost energy levels.

So what else can Mindfulness help with?

All too often we may get in the car to go do our usual food shop on a Thursday morning, arrive at the supermarket and not really have any strong memories about the drive we’ve just done. How many times can we say we’re not paying attention? For many people this is pretty standard and happens a lot. But in doing so we are missing out on being in the moment. We are missing out on noticing and being curious to ourselves and our world around us. We are not acknowledging the annoyance at stubbing our toe and we are inadvertently carrying that annoyance with us til we get a chance to blurt it out at another time. Acting mindfully supports us to recognise at the moment of stubbing our toe we are annoyed and to pay attention and notice that has happened. This seemingly simple act of noticing on a regular basis will support brain function and strengthen neurological pathways.

A straightforward way to explain how Mindfulness can help us is to say that it is a fundamental life skill and involves the human ability to be fully present. It helps us to be more aware of where we are, what we are doing and supports us to be able to respond appropriately at any given moment. It is a skill that helps us to see that getting really annoyed after we stub our toe does not then make it ok to take our annoyance out on the next person we speak to. Mindfulness supports us to react appropriately to the next person we speak to and to notice that we are also annoyed that we stubbed our toe. The ability to separate experiences, emotions and to react in an appropriate way on a moment to moment basis is an amazing life skill.

Mindfulness and Curiosity

When we practice mindfulness we bring a sense of curiosity to our experience as it unfolds, moment by moment. We observe and pay attention to what is happening in our minds and bodies, becoming more present and available to ourselves and to others. We are also bringing all parts of our brain together in an integrated way that promotes and facilitates positive well being.

In this way, Mindfulness and Psychotherapy are inextricably linked.

Mindfulness and Psychotherapy

In psychotherapy a person has the chance to make sense of what is going on for them. Mindfulness trains our brain to be more aware of what is going on around us. When we have an increased capacity to be more present, we worry less about the past and are less anxious about the future. Mindfulness teaches us to be curious about the present and to be compassionate and warm towards it. The process of cultivating moment to moment awareness has such amazing restorative benefits. It is proven to help with many psychological difficulties such as depress, anxiety, stress, substance-abuse etc. The curative process transcends diagnosis and is a key component of successful psychotherapy.

Mindfulness is becoming recognised as a powerful tool in psychotherapy, and there are a growing number of therapists who are trained in both modalities. “Mindfulness-Based Transactional Analysis” also known as MBTA, is one such area of growth. MBTA is an approach that takes into account Mindfulness meditations with the theoretical concepts of Transactional Analysis.

Many people are seeing positive results when the two approaches are combined. In as far back as 2007, in a survey of 2,600 therapists, 41.4 percent of respondents reported they were practicing some form of “mindfulness therapy” with their clients.

Within my practice I may often incorporate aspects of Mindfulness. I work with clients to explore options for bringing Mindfulness into daily life outside the therapy room. If you are interested in finding out more get in touch for a chance to talk more about how I work and to find out more about Mindfulness and Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy.

Next week’s blog post focuses on reasons Psychotherapy and Mindfulness work well together.

The post How Mindfulness Can Complement Your Psychotherapy appeared first on Southdowns Psychotherapy.

When anxiety takes over and threatens our peace of mind, we can feel overwhelmed and it can be difficult to stay in the moment.

The following “5-4-3-2-1” tool is a simple yet effective method for regaining control of your mind and aims to ground you again in the moment when anxiety threatens to take over.

This exercise helps bring us back to our senses by inviting us to focus on our senses and encourages us to focus on our breathing. As with any type of trigger, remembering to take deep breaths in and out will control hyperventilation and slow your heart rate.

This technique can be used in a panic attack as it promotes the calming response in our body to combat the emergency panic response in our body.

Look around and name five things you can see. Wherever you are, take the time to look up and around and focus on naming 5 items you can see around you. No matter how big or how small, state 5 things.

Look around and name four things you can touch. Whether it is the back of your own hand, your toes or the chair you may be sitting on. State 4 things you can feel.

Look around and name three things you can hear. These things need to be external sounds rather than any internal bodily sounds you can hear.

Look around and name two things you can smell. This may be tricky but you could focus on your breathing and smell the air going in and out of your lungs or you may be able to smell a cushion on the sofa or the palms of your hands.

Name one thing you can taste. You don’t have to actively look to put something in your mouth for this one. It may be the taste inside your mouth. Maybe you had a sandwich and coffee for lunch and you can still taste those flavours.

When intense emotions threaten to overwhelm us, focusing on the above exercise will help to ground you and bring your thinking part of your brain back online. You will regain a sense of control and calm in being able to help yourself combat anxiety triggers.

For more support with anxiety, get in touch with Alana to book an assessment session and to find out more about how psychotherapy can help with anxiety. You can also download a copy of the Southdowns Psychotherapy 54321 Grounding Exercise here.

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